branches in winter

pain is best expressed when birthing patience
patience fills the heart with tempered strength
strength is a whisper speaking of hope
shame is a poison hope antidote
daring hearts to ache and make truth known

broken nights in agony have meaning
faith is art of holding onto reason
in every season in every change
beauty of spring or winter's embrace
stripping leaves so branches cross and save

selfless love within the scope of reason
pages burn forever captured freedom
love is an arrow heart is a bow
hope aims where all else refuses to go
teaching how to love without control

times a wastin'

I awoke this morning to find a "page suggestion" on facebook. Turns out it's from an acquaintance of mine who is now CFO of a non-profit that raises money and awareness to fight world hunger. Pretty cool. I use the term acquaintance even though I've never spoken to this person. I tend to know of people more often than I actually know them. It makes me think of the people who are in my life, the ones who I think about, pray for, and mean to call. Life slips by, one day at a time. Suddenly it's been a week, then a month, and I'm still wondering how so and so is doing. Over the last few years, I've noticed that life is like a virus, better when shared. Ok, bad analogy. Life is like a bench, usually made to be shared? Um, life's like a two seat bicycle... Let's stop there. My point is: life is meant to be shared with others. We are more effective and happier when we surround ourselves with people. Love is a gun, why waste it on yourself? Wow, I probably shouldn't blog in the morning, lol.

Hmm, on the subject of death, I have attitudes and behaviors that need to be encouraged, and others that need to be killed. Thankfully, Christian Kool-aid is figurative. I know that people get discouraged to the point of wishing their lives on earth would end. Those are times of intense loneliness. I also know people who faced death with the love and support of their family and friends. Some people flirt with death, others say hello as to an acquaintance that is known of, but not yet befriended. I combine the ideas of "friendship" and "death" only to point out that times a wastin' for most of us. Why wait to get to know people? Fear of being known? From recent personal interactions, I'm finding out that being known is not so bad ;) In fact, being known, and accepted, is the most life-changing experience any of us can understand. Some of you smarty-pants may argue that death is the most life-changing experience you can understand. Good point. What could change life more than ending it? Well, how about a figurative death where your shame and biggest fears are ended? Some say: Omnia vincit amor or love conquers all. If that is the case, love conquers our fear and shame. Others say: if love is surrender, whose war is it anyway? Technically, we need to surrender our fear and shame, so are we the conquerors or the ones being conquered? Whose love do we surrender to? Who is fighting for us? If every heart is a battlefield, who are you fighting for? I used to fight to stay hidden. Now I fight to be known. I used to run; now I see the beauty past surrenders painful death. I see it every day. My love is vanity, a vapor that does no one good. If that is the kind of love we humans possess, then how is it that we experience actual life changing love? We simply must be in possession of love that extends beyond our capacity to manufacture, which means we must have discovered, or been given that love. If every heart is a battlefield, who fights for you? Do you know this person, or know of this person? Are you afraid that if they know you, they will withhold love from you? Just one more question: if someone loves you, how could they not love you? There is no fear in love.

Man In Angry Tub

Steam choked the bathroom mirror, which didn't matter since I had turned out the light. The water held the kind of heat that hurts your skin when you move, so I laid frozen. I was Red with anger, which felt as foreign as the bath. As I soaked in the pitch black heat, I heard a voice in my head that said "be still."

Time halted, and I remembered that dipping my ears under the water offers a kind of silence that I used to love. Silence is the sky when the sun sets. A welcome balance to commotion. At that moment I truly appreciated that if sound is silver, then silence is gold.

All these thoughts seemed to drip out my ears and mix with the water. I struggled to find a position where my entire body would fit below the surface, which is precisely when I realized the comedic absurdity of the entire situation. My temper tantrum was a tub that didn't quite fit. Still, I think it vital to outpour emotions, and to experience them to the fullest.

As time passed, I realized that both the water and my anger cooled. Anger is like bathwater: both cool over time, and one must not sit in either for too long. Wisdom is stillness when sitting in the Red. I could have splashed about on other people, but what good is accomplished by burning others?

Instead: I laughed at my silliness, dried off, and cleanly went to bed.

All To Thee

This is the first song that I wrote on piano!!! It has three different time signatures (5/4, 6/8, and 4/4).

I praise You in the morning

In the calmness of the day

You made me in Your image

In the likeness of Your name

Papa

I'll sing Your praise forever

All my words bow at Your feet

All glory to my Jesus

May my life a mirror be

For Your glory I sing

By Your grace I am free

For Your love calls to me

All to Thee, Lord, all to Thee

Papa

I'll sing Your praise forever

All my words bow at Your feet

All glory to my Jesus

May my life a mirror be

For Your glory I sing

By Your grace I am free

For Your love calls to me

All to Thee, Lord, all to Thee

Papa

Oh the glory of Your throne surrounds me

And all are drawn to the beauty of Your voice

Singing

Holy Holy Holy

Lord of All

All my words

All my heart

All my hopes

All my dreams

Everything

All Your love

All Your grace

All Your mercy

All Your strength

You're everything

Goodbye Sunday

I've been writing this song for almost 5 years, but never had it quite right. It's quite an odd arrangment that goes verse, pre-chorus, verse, pre-chorus, bridge, chorus, alternate chorus. Here's the newest draft:

Goodbye Sunday

First love open your eyes to see the light ahead

I'm swimming in the words you said

My regrets and your goodbye our light is gone

Now I finally see how

You held on

I held off

Now you're gone

At times I'd like to wait this out

And paint a smile when you're around

A slight of face to hold your hand

Am I a better man than that?

I put it on

And took it off

Now you're gone

My regrets are deeper than the ocean

And your love was stronger than the tide

Never mind the memories are fading

You're the one who made me feel alive

Mistakes that we made we'll never be the same

Our love is a bent melody

My heart on my sleeve and my pride on the floor

You saved me, you saved me

First love close your eyes never to see the light

Our love is a bent melody

In my mind in my heart out of sight is a start

Goodbye Sunday

chases of noon

The sun is such a wonderful symbol of truth. It's rays chase time across the afternoon sky which, in some ways, inspired the title of this adventure. I see more of life as shadows are burned away by the suns light. Even in times when all I feel is darkness, the shadow proves the sunshine. This journal of sorts is an effort to reflect that which I have been shown, and that which I hope to create.

Chases of noon will hopefully show the heart behind these

words of a chosen son.